Fighting Back

'I did wrong...I did wrong...Please forgive me, please forgive me'

That just a piece of dream tonight, but why it keep appear. Even i fallen asleep a while, it just that dream. Did i do something wrong again?Did i made you angry like before?

"Hello" the woman voice i heard from phone. I want to answer, really i want to answer. "Hello, if u don't want to talk, i'll hang up."then she did. I'm happy, at least i can hear her voice.

"Do you know something? it's not easy to live in the world, u choose to stay, back or move forward, all of these have its own risk. Being hurt or hurting, being lied or lying, being strong and struggle or just keep silent like a looser, it's all your choices" Is there more choices to choose, i don't like that all. I, being brought to this world is struggle, a choice. Then again, i, being raised in my child age is struggle, a choice. Then what? Every one of those is choices right?why you keep telling me to choose? "Becase you are yourself, just be yourself" Is that common answer to heard? Even they, the best friend of mine keep telling me that. Do you think all the people have same way grow up?Do you think they all raised in same way? What do you expect from differences? making it all the way you want? Even you hurt them, you have to make it common way to achieve what you want? It's dirty. Why should you told me the same when all the people around me since child is telling me like that?

She, the only voices i want to hear also did the same. She choose to live forward but leave me behind. She who brought me to this world say "love" but never show me how. "Al, it is not your mistake. It's a choices that she choose to protect you" Enough with alll the explanation and excuses. I'm tired already. Is there really a chance for me, to meet her, to talk to her?I just want to, for once, she look at me as her dear daughter. "Is it really okay grandma?i want hear her voices"Then i did. I called her, listen to her voices, and crying really hard after. The only thing i know is, I miss U, Mom.

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This story, a mix of emotion, contain fiction. If there any part seem real, just think as if it.